Fat Kid’s Rule! (and rules for a Fat Kid eating):

This list will evolve as I think about what is important to me as I hunt, gather, cook, and eat out. Enjoy!

Now I’ll get hacked for sure….

#1 Eat street food.  Not only will it improve your ability to fight parasites and improve your constitution;  it’s excellent.

#2 Eat ethnic food where ethnic people eat. If you go into a/an (insert country or ethnicity here) Restaurant and there are no (insert SAME country or ethnicity here) people… leave.

#3 Avoid trendy foods!  Yuppies and Hipsters are the enemy. They drive up the price of foods by adding foam, nuts, goat cheese or putting recycled materials on the wall then charging more. Don’t fall for it… be honest about the food and service. If it is not that good go somewhere else. If your friends want to meet at these places be sure not to tell them you think they are tools…just meet up with them later or eat before you go so you can stick to important drinking.

#4 Always know where the nearest Deli is.  That’s it.

#5 You can have too much of a good thing. Rotate your palate so you don’t get bored. Anyone who eats or drinks the same things will never appreciate them. Rather, they are just being lazy and not pushing themselves to find new flavors or styles to enjoy. Is there such a thing as a Food Luddite? I think so… For this reason I usually buy things at the international markets that I can not identify. Kind of like food roulette.

#6 Mexican food in the United States does NOT exist outside of Southern California. No matter what It will only disappoint. A Food Rated C drive through in National City (industrial/ghetto-ish area of San Diego) at 4am will blow away any Mexican restaurant elsewhere. I used to think it was because there are real Mexicans in San Diego but now we have Mexicans everywhere. SO now I am thinking it might be related to families cooking their recipes with products/materials that are correct. Don’t even get me started on whatever the hell TexMex and food from Chipotle Restaurants are supposed to be.

#7 Sometimes you need soup. Soup is how real people eat in other countries. Borsch, Menudo, Pazzole, Pho, are all hearty meals that are good for you.

#8 Add Bacon. A turd covered in burning hair, wrapped in bacon is a viable menu item and would be popular at a $10 price point as an appetizer.  Ok, so this doesn’t have to be so kitsch like a deep fried bacon wrapped pickle (we made a restaurant do that once) but keep in mind bacon is not just long thin slices for $8-$18 a pack. Salted pork belly is available at international markets for $3. Dice this and pan sear to get the flavor and little crispy bits. You can use that for anything!

#9 Try not to eat alone.  Unless the world sucks that day and you need quiet introspection; spelled W-H-I-S-K-E-Y.

#10 Sometimes apps are enough. Occasionally, I’ll instruct the table to only order apps…This is good fodder for those that are super hungry…but who says we are only going to one restaurant?  *ah-ha!*  Everyone gets a taste, order all the apps that look good, have beers, no one is envious of another entree, go to the next place and do the same… why limit yourself to only a few flavors? Make the eating last all night.

#11 Pay attention; not money. Do you like that dish? Get it all the time? Wake up Dumb-Dumb (channeling my inner Kazoo)… pay attention to what is in it and learn to make it at home. It is probably not rocket science, unless you are eating in a high-end Gastronomy or Michelin Star restaurant. Even this fat kid has only got a few each of those under his belt. But I could make 80% of the things I’ve eaten in all those places for 1/10th the cost.

I have sucked at updating but will do better… or will I?

This list will be updated!!

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